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eileenK
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Name: Eileen
Gender: Female


Interests: babies. sleep. scenery. dramas. chocolates. chocolate mint ice cream. movies. telly. trees. parks. rain. my bed. bacons. Lee Hom. waffles. my baby pillows and bolsters. daniel (my car). Kajac. La Cow. Abu. Messenger GIP. Silly. BeanieHippo. pancakes. yogurt drink. sparkling juices. Wine. Famous Amos. PCD. cheese. all my beloved cousies. lazing around. Eek. massages. taking stupid photos.
Expertise: indulge in excessive thinking.. =P
Occupation: Student and full-time procrast


Message: message me
Website: visit my website
MSN: eileen86@hotmail.com


Member Since: 11/3/2006

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Thursday, May 26, 2011

Twenty-five

No one can truly imagine what it feels like to hit your mid twenties without being or was once one.
One can only try to put all those feeling in words.
And yet you'll find out that none of it justifies what it really feels like .

It feels like being thrown into a vortex of craziness and decisions which ties into one's future.

Decisions have be to made.

Between career and marriage.

Between staying here or there.

Between meeting social expectations and conventions and own desires.

Chronological age is just a number like what most would say.
But it is a benchmark used to measure one against social conventions and milestones.

It made it extra difficult when this is the age when one thinks he or she sort of got life figured out.
Understanding repercussions, regrets, emotions, philosophies of life (especially the part that says SHIT HAPPENS)...

If i am destined to live till i'm 50 or less
(which might already be a blessing)

I'm already half way there.

Its scary.

But i know that life shouldn't be measured by how long you have lived,
but rather what legacies you have left behind.


Saturday, May 07, 2011

此酒香忧在,故人事已非

weather
chronically bad traffic condition
 lifestyle
food

All these i adjusted to.
I feel like i've never left.

However...

These people whom i know growing up suddenly feels like strangers.
My feelings towards them are trapped in a time capsule all this time when i was away.
It was trapped in pictures and memories we had together.
Frozen.

To me, nothing has changed.
Beside the years we were apart and the chronological age and probably a little more maturity.
I'd say i feel the same.

But yet..

The people who are left behind are not forgiving.

They moved on.
Happily or not.
Contented or not.
Spiteful or not.
Bitter or not.

I feel like i've been kept at arm's length.
Like my presence again will tear the harmony they weaved.
Like i'm another person altogether.

Is it me who changed
or
are the people around me different?

But why do i feel that it was because of bitter resentments?

Just because i just came back from the States?
Just because i talk different?
Just because i might be a little different and more assertive?

And i should be penalized?

I tried.

But really, who cares about my effort?


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

And...that's the end of it

It has been almost 3 months now.
Chances were given again and again.
Till a point that i feel i'm done waiting and expecting.

U can only be disappointed that many times.

5 years.

And it boils down to nothing.

And this time..

i'm on the receiving end of it all.

Things change.
People do too.

And i'm right here struggling to find my footing again.
at this place i called home.

perhaps...

just perhaps...

from the day i step on that plane,
this will not be where i belong anymore.

 


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Us - in past tense.

who would have thought the reason that drove us apart was this.
i ha-d (it has to be past tense now) a lot of faith in us,
thinking nothing will come in between.

Distance apparently is a thing.
i tried.
i failed.
and that's all i'm going to do.

too bad, eileen.

 


Friday, February 12, 2010

another customary jot

 

special occasions always reminded me about the blog.
it's during these times when i have overflowing of things to say
and i can actually find the motivation to type it out.

it's my 3rd cny without the family.

i wouldn't say i'm used to it because i still think about home a lot
but i guess i learnt to see less of it.
unlearn those traditions at home during this time.

i was talking about cny with one of the co workers the other day.
it sounded more like i've participated in it once and i'm just reiterating the experience.

well it's cny again.

i'm 24.

its the year of tiger

it's my year

between the 2nd and 3rd cycle
i should have done and achieved a lot.
it's been 12 years.

what's going to be in store for me?

i guess i'm finally adult-ish.
cny is not about the fun we have as a family anymore,
not the loud and noisy reunion dinners,
not the new clothes,
not the people or family or the ang pau.

this time i felt that i'm 1 yr more mature
i should have things done.
i need to have things done.
the time which i should start thinking about the directions of my life
about my whereabouts.
about my choices,
retrospections.

i'm 24.



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