Not the best of times

It's customary to say it's the end of the year again.
isn't it also customary to have a post of the merry-ness of christmas which is just 2 days away?

it's a pretty different christmas.

i've received many gifts from different people.
people i dont expect.
it's actually a must to return but i think i'm going to get away with it by saying i'm not american.

simply because i've no idea what's appropriate to give.

it's the season of giving.
self explanatory.
m'sians might use it for the sake of being cool but in america it IS literally that way.

that's the up side of this festive month.

the not so festive part of the month which is a good part of it i spend coughing.
again.

and i'm starting to worry about it
it bothers me a lot
because i've such frequent episodes it's not even an exaggeration to say i'm very close to coughing my lungs out

and the worst part is i cannot figure what'll do the trick to stop it.
meds are failing me.

at a point i wondered is guan yin trying to punish me by taking her blessings away because i no longer befriended cows?
by that i mean eating them accidentally.

tisk.

An act of commission or omission

A pretty confusing thing for me to understand but i find it very intriguing.

People are moving on.
this is the best conclusion i can find comfort in
the ever changing circumstances around me these days

I've been out.
Out of most social circles
Out of most's lives
Out of big events

Very much into being with myself.

This is what happens when u're too involve with urself.

You fail to see what's going on around you.

Isn't this all about self centeredness?

Life isn't the way it once was.
And i think perhaps it's time for me to make a move too.
Clinging to something i thought would be stagnant is the silliest thought i could ever conceive.
Takes a loud pang to wake me up from all these self absorbed moments.

I'm doing something condemned by most.
But yet i keep doing it
I gave in to all my evil desires.
As much as i could foresee the consequences,
it couldn't stop me from doing it.

Very much like an addiction.

Pink Nails

A long weekend ahead.

I can't wait till this day's over.
Exciting things ahead.

I was reading through some of my posts from as far as a yr ago.

There was one which said last yr's christmas would be my last in the States.
But i guess i was wrong back then.

There you go.

LIFE

i would never have guessed i stayed this long.
from lingering around for a while till secured a job and settled down for a bit.

And i think i might change my settled plans and head for something crazy this time.

Contemplation stage
but i'm definitely hoping i'll talk myself into being irresponsible.

We'll see.

A month from now.

Guilty Pleasure

just so u know, i do my love job

Despite my depressing weekend staying home to recuperate from a sudden flu
in which contributed to my decision to stay home on a monday
it does look very much like a blessing in disguise

the temptation to stay in bed on an ordinary weekday is just too strong
reminds me of the days when i was still in school when there are random urges to skip class
random urges that we often give in to which resulted in poor attendance

those were the good ol' days.

no more freedom as such anymore

But in the spirits of Thanksgiving
i thought i'd give myself a little leeway.

just this once, i told myself.

And plus isn't this a good time to get things done?
the things i put behind because most places i need to go doesn't open on a weekend

it's either the music that i'm playing makes me jolly
or this very rare weekday.

either way, i'm happy.

I never thought i would feel like this..

Each time when the credits roll and the familiar narration concludes an episode of Greys,
i'll let out a satisfying sigh or go "awwww" in my head.
As much as it's just another american series but it never failed to touch me.

I've always wondered how it felt like to have someone holding on to u to thank you.
that u've done something so amazing for him/her/them.
the profound effect and impact u have left in their lives

the only narration i had for myself after the show ends would be..how great it would be if i could be the same.
but too bad, holding a scalpel is not my calling.

Too gory. Too bloody. Too cruel.

But today i felt that way.
And it's a truly amazing feeling.

All i want to say is..no matter what profession u venture into
Do not lose ur heart, compassion and love u have for whoever.
Because u'll never guess how much u have done for them.

It is truly rewarding.

I think i'm falling in love with this.